When we started dating in Washington, D.C., I quickly discovered one of Jiayun’s great passions: snacks. She was fond of Jin Jin Lychee jelly cups, which come in a large jar-like container. And at some point, we had come up with the idea that for each jelly we ate, we would each write something for our future, our hopes and our wishes, on a post-it note, and place it folded into the jar. We called this our Jelly Jar; and over time, we would draw the notes to help guide our lives. There was a stark contrast in the themes of my notes and Jiayun's notes. The things I put in revolved around travel, destinations, accomplishments, thrills. Things you might find on social media highlight reel. Hers were simple things like cook a new recipe together, try a new ice cream flavor, pet something fuzzy, do a small puzzle. I remember thinking that these things were easy, simple, and unambitious; that we could do all of them in a single weekend. I was terribly naive to think that. Jiayun had the wisdom to know that easy, small things can fill your life with joy, every single day. That there was no need to overthink or wait for grand experiences to bring about happiness. That life was a journey and the journey was far, far more important than the destination. I imagine that she internalized this wisdom through her research and conversations with those nearing end-of-life. One of the last things she said to me was that we will come to think of her in good memories. It was impossible for me to believe that when she first said it. But now, I see how the small memories that she cherished, how the small moments that we would be able to have over and over, were what made our lives amazing, every single day. And how over time, these small things that we enjoy time and time again, would become traditions. She knew that while memories may fade, traditions endure. She knew that these lasting traditions would bring feelings of nostalgia, warmth, love, happiness. The good memories that we are so lucky to have. She dreamt that our new home that we were building would be the hub for our family and friends so that there was a place that is always inviting, and always welcoming, to make and share in these traditions. That playdates and gatherings would be easy. That the answer to getting together is "yes". She wants us to create, share, and celebrate these small traditions and rituals so that our lives continue to be amazing, so that we can fill our lives with doses of joy, every single day, like she was able to. It doesn't surprise me at all when people tell me how unforgettable her smile is. Jiayun told me that she was thankful for the life that we’ve had together. That everything was amazing. That she wouldn’t change it. Jiayun, I am so proud to be the person you've helped me become. Through your endless love, patience, compassion, and grace, you showed me that I could love you, Lily, Lila, equally, and differently, that love is boundless. And I am so grateful to you for the life we've had together, for making me, for making us; feel loved, safe and supported; for lifting us to new heights every day. Jiayun, thank you so much for sharing 13 years of your life with me. It was perfect.
